Tag Archives: Relaxation

Making the Most of the Library

It’s National Library Week! All sorts of celebrations are happening in libraries across the country, including book giveaways, special guest events, and more. Now, it’s no secret that I love libraries. My dad was a librarian for most of his life, my uncle is a librarian, my wife is a librarian, I have lots of librarian friends, and I even worked in a library for over a year and a half.

In fact, it boggles my mind that so many people don’t use their library. There are so many valuable resources at a library useful for children and adults–books; magazines; computers; genealogical material; dvds; audiobooks; music; both fun and educational events and materials; and best of all, the masters of finding whatever information you need, librarians.

Behind that smile lies a mind ready and able to find whatever information you need–even if what you need is the connection between medieval siege warfare and Paris Hilton. Not that I have ever needed that information. No sir.

The public library is a valuable resource for anyone, but particularly parents. Here are a few ways you can use that resource well.

1. Make use of story time. As a parent of a young child, you probably already know about story time, but it still bears repeating. Go to story time. It’s one of the highlights of Sam’s week! He loves going to the library and seeing the librarians and all the other kids that attend. There are songs, games, dances, puppet plays, and of course picture books read by expert readers. It’s great for your children to see and play with other kids, plus they will definitely have fun with the activity itself.

You can enjoy summer reading programs anywhere.

2. Join summer reading. Every public library in America is going to have a summer reading program. These can be great fun for your kids, even if they’re not old enough to read themselves yet. Parents can read to children and participate that way, winning prizes and having fun while enriching their minds. Furthermore, many summer reading programs also include special guests and events for children. There might be a special touring puppet show one week, a concert by a kids musician the next, a magic show the week after that, or even more. One year while I was working at a library, a truck-based aquarium came and parked in our parking lot for the kids to enjoy!

Although they’re not as well known, most public libraries will also hold an adult summer reading program as well. You should definitely participate! There are still prize giveaways, special events, and more for you to enjoy as well, so plan to join in this summer.

3. Ask about other children’s programs. As I just mentioned, libraries have lots of great programs they put on themselves, like story times or summer reading. However, there are even more great opportunities for your child that you might never know about without asking. These could include Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, after school programs, arts enrichment classes, and so much more. It’s a librarian’s job to know about these sorts of things, so ask away!

I don’t think these kids think a library is boring, do you?

4. Socialize. If your idea of a library is a musty place where people will shush you for speaking above a whisper, it’s time to reevaluate your conceptions. Libraries are a great place to meet and talk with new people or just spend a nice afternoon playing a game. Although board games would be a great idea–I’ve got a few suggestions for you too–many libraries now even have video games for kids and adults to play.

5. Check out materials. This may seem obvious, but it bears repeating. Libraries are a great way to find great reading, listening, or viewing material. You can try things you might never have tried before–new genres, styles, authors, musicians, and more. Check out both fiction and non-fiction, books and dvds, audiobooks and music–you never know what you’ll discover, but your life will definitely be better for it.

If you’ve never been to a library, give it a try. Spend some time at your local library this week. Wander through it. Ask a few questions. Check out something new. And above all, remember to thank your librarian. They work hard for you, whether you know it or take advantage of it or not. Enjoy your time there! I know you will.

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5 Ways to Deal with Stress & Frustration

I sometimes feel like I give the impression that I’ve got it all together or that parenting is a breeze for me. Let me tell you, it’s not always! I have my bad days, and Sam does too–particularly when a writing deadline is staring me down, like right now. However, I have some tools I use to help me deal with this stress, and I’ll pass them on to you. Please feel free to add any other tips you have in the comments below!

1. Worry about/do stuff when it needs to be done.

This has been a major problem for me throughout my life. I have a tendency to over think even the smallest of things–or even worse, things that never even happen! Because of this I have been working hard over the past few months to think about and do things when they need to be done.

Don’t misunderstand me though–I’m not saying you should only “live in the moment” or something like that! Sometimes things need extra planning hours, days, or even months ahead. The trick is learning which is which and how much time it actually takes to do/plan things rather than letting it overwhelm you. Learn to handle tomorrow’s troubles tomorrow and you will be happier.

This has absolutely been what I have looked like before.

2. Walk away.

This seems counter-intuitive. You’re a parent caring for a child who is incapable of doing anything on his or her own, and I’m encouraging you to walk away?

Yes and no. I’m not saying you should abandon your child. I’m also not saying you should hide and let the kid scream for hours. What I am saying is that frustration builds easily when you’re doing your best to take care of a child all day (and sometimes all night) long and nothing seems to help. It wears on you–quickly. It’s no wonder Navy SEALs are trained to withstand torture by listening to babies cry for hours on end!

However, leaving yourself in a situation where you could easily hurt your child or yourself is not heroic in any way. Put your baby in the crib and walk away from the screams for a few minutes. Ideally your partner or another helper can step in at that time so you can get a break, but even if you have to let the baby cry for a little while, it’s better than remaining put when you just need a five minute break.

3. Get help.

Speaking of needing a break, get help from somebody. As I’ve mentioned before, I had some fool-hardy and “heroic” notions about new parenthood. Thankfully, we had a lot of help from the beginning and my wife and I still have good teamwork and regular visits to and from our parents.

Even if you don’t have parents nearby (Sam’s grandparents range from a 2.5-4.5 hour drive away), rely on your partner or other members of your community. As you know, I’m a stay-at-home-dad, but there have been some times when I have needed help during the middle of the day. Fortunately my wife has a job where she can quickly and easily leave if I need some help–or at the very least take an early lunch–and we have had some times when I needed that.

There’s no shame in needing help.

Yeah, this has been me before too.

4. Take a deep breath.

This is really simple. I’m not a medical expert and I can’t explain it, but the act of simply taking a deep breath does wonders for stress relief. If you practice yoga or other activities that involve deep breathing, continue that practice and use that knowledge for when you’re in the middle of the 17th straight spoonful of peas that have been thrown on the floor and you just can’t take it any more. Take a deep breath or 5. You’ll be amazed at how much it helps.

5. Lower your expectations.

Again, I have sometimes had overblown notions about what was expected of me or what I needed to be doing. Probably because I over think things (ahem, point 1). Anyway, release those notions. You’re not going to be Super-Parent. There is no parent of the year award–or if there is, I don’t know about it because I’m spending too much time rescuing paper from Sam’s non-stop chewing. You don’t have to be a great parent. You don’t have to have a great kid.

You just have to be the best you can be. And sometimes the best you can be is somebody who needs to put the baby in the crib while you walk away, take a deep breath, and dial the number of somebody who can lend a hand for a while.

That’s ok. Really.

As my wife says constantly during baseball season when her favorite players come up to bat, “Don’t be a hero! Just get a base hit!” Keep plugging away at the daily work of parenting while not becoming overwhelmed, and you will make it through. It may not always be pretty, but your child, your partner, and ultimately, you, will thank you for it.

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Flow and parenting

Recently I talked about the importance of relaxation. However, today I want to talk about something that looks very different, but can frequently feel very similar: Flow.

If you’re unfamiliar with the idea of Flow, it can seem very foreign, but its really a very simple concept. Flow is when you’re doing something you are good at and that challenges you adequately, and you do it until you lose track of time and whatever other needs you might have. You’re “in the zone”, so to speak. Music, art, sports, exercise, even (and perhaps especially) playing a game are all ways people regularly experience Flow. Flow is the meeting of high challenge, high skill, regular feedback, and pure delight.

I think I’d like to add one more thing to that list of common Flow actions: Parenting. High challenge? Of course! Regular feedback? That kid is watching you all the time and letting you know how you’re doing through visual cues if not through sound. High skill? It may not always seem like it, but I think we’re probably better parents than we realize much of the time.

Whether you’re rolling a ball with your 18 month old, playing superheroes with your 4 year old, building a science fair model with your 8 year old, or discussing the finer points of why a Zulu warrior would beat a medieval knight in full armor (should this natural and obviously historical battle ever take place) with your 16 year old, Flow can quickly and easily come into play.

Of course, not all activities foster Flow. Those low skill and/or low challenge activities aren’t going to work. Take the time to develop interests in other areas and turn off the tv. Go out and experience Flow with your child today.

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Relaxation of childhood

This post was initially intended to go up last Friday. Frankly, I forgot to post it as the horrific news from Newtown Connecticut spread. However, I’m not sure there’s any better time to talk about enjoying the simple things in life and spending special time with your family than now, so here’s the original post.

Although there are many joys of parenthood and being a stay-at-home-dad in particular, one of the best is the ability to relax easily. I have to admit, this doesn’t always come easily for me. I have a tendency to push hard and actively do things, even if they are intended as a form of relaxation or entertainment.
In fact, it helps me to remind myself to take things slowly. One of the best things I can do as a parent is to take things slowly and let life develop at its own pace, or perhaps more accurately, Samuel’s pace.
It is good to relax. It is good to sit outside and watch the leaves fall–not that there are any left at this time of year. It is good to turn on the lights decorating the Christmas tree and just look at them and the ornaments on the tree. It’s good to sit and watch a ceiling fan. It’s good to just lie on the floor and play with each others fingers.
Of course, it’s good for children to play with toys and to challenge ourselves in new ways as well. But I think it’s easier to forget to relax than to forget to play, which is just plain too bad. Take some time to smell the flowers–literally or otherwise. Let life shape itself around you instead of trying to mold life or mold yourself into a certain way. I think you and your child will both be better off for it.

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